Focus and Insecurity, these concerned me

<<A new blog post update>>

I am truly sorry that I couldn’t even afford some of my spare time to filling up this blog with new interesting post to update…well it’s basically because I’m kind of busy and also kind of lazy at the same time. As also you see if you are following me on my instagram account, I did rarely update any pictures these few weeks, didn’t I?

Anyway, right now college stuffs are really overwhelming for me, it’s my last year and definitely I need to prepare and focus on lots of things for my thesis. Reading lots of books, trying to browse  informative stuffs beside instagram and facebook and so on and so on, and despite all the hectic schedule about getting my assignment done, I even do a teaching class and tutoring for debating club on my college and also trying to learn new dance with some few friends. Woohoo~ lots of things need to be done. Everyday it’s always a busy day and I’m always in constant tired. (no wonder my apetite went so undercontrol)

This few weeks also I’ve been mendling over sensitive topic, not about love or education or what this time but about trustworthy …. Hmm, can I put it as trustworthy? Or relationship? Nah it’s way bigger than a trivial relationship matter. 

So if you did scrolling back on my previous post update before in this blog, you can see that I’ve been in constant trauma in getting back into healthy relationship with anyone, Since the very first beginning I always being a kind of person who give it my all to my friends, in returns I always want some kind of affection and being loved and being complimented, yeah I am that kind of person.  A person who need a constant support from other people whom I love

The bad things is, I tend to forget my own happiness~ what I mean by it is like my truly happy soul where I can actually pouring out all my feelings to the people I love and treasured with, stupidly I always end up being overly satisfied with their companion but let them hurting my pride or sometimes they don’t actually care about me, like I care about them. It’s hurt.

I’ve learnt lots of things over my past experiences about it, and I did change from being a cold hearted woman who don’t believe in any trustworthy relationship to someone who willingly being open up again to gain such a healthy relationship.

And the worst one from all of it is, I can’t control myself to put people that I really like and love on the higher status and treasuring them than any other people, I even neglect other people and my own personal business just to help this person or being with them and it’s always happen like that.

These days, I just got realize that I’m being so suck and all clingy to all these people who actually didn’t think that I’m important enough for them as I think about them. They basically throwing some harsh words on me and telling me to not stepping over my line as a friend or people that they know. 

Well, they don’t really blurting it out directly, but it’s just really obvious that they are trying to imply that to me.

Other times also happen when I feel that they are not really here when I need them the most, I don’t know….i feel like, they are trying to make it clear on me that I need to get over quickly over a small trivial things. Why do they suddenly judge me like they’ve known me for couple of days? ….
or perhaps, they don’t really know about me? Or it’s me who don’t really know about them?

Anyway let’s stop with this self-pity party story telling here, I really just need to get over it and don’t really think about it too much. I also realized and I found that myself not even being a good enough person to actually asking for more.

Probably it’s because most of the time I’m being so sassy all the time and they just do that because ‘yeah ~ that’s how you handle over her sassiness’. HAH, Let’s get over with it and start being happy again, I mean being happy is driving people crazy right? hahaha

Goodnight, xoxo 

Happy New Year, Fresh Cream cake & Rainy Fireworks

Technically Happy 1^st January 2015.

I’m sure everyone have their own exciting experience about how you spent your New Year’s eve, honestly for that day I don’t really have any particular appointment or plan about how I will spend my New Year’s eve with -

So I was roughly decide to just go to work with my sister at Kids Center for that night, but apparently things turn different (I mean, I change my mind in a zap) after Firda chat me via our line group. Very fortunately both of us are so hopeless about how we will spend the night, and both of us don’t really like the idea of going out in New Year’s eve, we will very likely stuck in a massive traffic jam for hours and get drenched by rain. (That’s no no no)  I don’t want to suffer myself hahaha

Then yeap ! slumber party is on ! hahaha it’s more like a date since it only two of us, but who cares la, I was really restless that time and I really don’t give any damn care about my appearance nor my image, so spending a night with Firda sounds like a very good idea.

We were roaming around supermarket for a good 3 hours only to thinking hard about what should we get for night snacking before 12 AM. Thanks to a brilliant sparks of idea from my head I was came out with the idea of ‘making your own fresh cream cake’ thanks a lot to Choo Sarang and the Song triplets whom brainwashed me that sseng-cream cake is the most yummiest cake in the world and you gonna die in regret if you not try it when you still alive on earth.

So we got a frozen cube of ready - sponge cheese cake , a bottle of whipping cream (It’s actually supposed to be a fresh cream liquid and we need to whisk it, but we aint have a time for that yo! So whipping cream will do!), we got a quite hard time looking for strawberries yet we ended up with using red grapes instead ( as long it’s still edible, we don’t really mind) , a bottle of beer and a carton of orange juice (hellaw 20 years old lady with baby taste bud)  and takoyaki !!!

I don’t really need to explain about how we make the cake, since you know… you only need to put there put here and add this and that, but that kind of easy job is giving us a hard time while Firda is a type who (how we can decorate the cake so it will look pretty) and I’m a kind of person who (I don’t care about anything as long I get the cream in every layer of the cake) and tadaaa~ you can see our mess signature !

We don’t really do much things, except laying on bed and watching two movies in a row starring Jongsuk and Haneul, oh my~ we was like “awwww-ing” for more than hundredth time during the movies lol. OH right and fireworks, right on midnight we both climb up to the rooftop and enjoying the fireworks scenery, can’t really take any picture since it was raining hard and so windy (we practically freezing that time).

Anyway, it’s a new year! 2015! Not asking for anything big or dreamy, I just hoping for strength and endurance to live in this world J

Happy new year! for everyone J let’s the good mood that you carry on during the new year’s eve, last long for every day of this year <3 xoxo

Experience: British Winter Education Fairs - Meet British Universities workshop & exhibition on 22 November 2014

Hello ! finally i have a spare time to sit comfortably at home and write!
I've done not much lately,since college life is getting harder somehow ... but yeah, I spare a little bit of my time last 22 November before for a workshop & exhibition about British universities that held by EdUKindo.

So what is EdUKIndo? EdUKIndo works with the Indonesian and UK Education sectors to instigate and develop collaboration across a range of study and research areas. EdUKIndo works with a range of stakeholders in Indonesia to promote UK Education. 

or for short I conclude them as an organization in education sectors which provide information and etc. about study of Indonesian students to UK. Well, honestly speaking I clearly don't know anything about UK universities or how they classified their students academic ranking results, or how their program study running in each year, and their syllabus. I don't even have any idea about how to apply to one of UK universities or how is their scholarship works. 

So, from this workshop I actually just take a fortunate chance for myself, for at least having a little bit idea about how UK universities running their program and etc. I really feel like the dumbest and the most idiot person in that room when the workshop start and the speaker start talking about the whole UK universities running system and about how to apply on their universities. Oh my ~ the others participants was like so actively raising their hands up and asking few questions regarding the topic, while me sitting like an idiot staring on the screen blankly in awe and amazement. I just purely amazed with all the information that I just get! 

Oh, and since the speakers are coming from UK as well, they really have a very thick British accent, which also amaze me as well hahaha call me countrified but yeah I admit that I really lack of general knowledge about stuffs like these, so yeah I think it's okay to take this opportunity to learn something new.

The workshop itself take a place at Aston Denpasar on 22 November 2014, the workshop itself actually running since months before in some provinces in Indonesia, so Bali have their last turn of this workshop event. It start around 12 o'clock at noon and ended up around 5 o'clock. The workshop start by Mr. Steve Buckle give us some warm up about UK and some questions if any of us have a vivid idea about UK countries and so their cultures & traditions and he continue with other important topic about how to apply in Oxford and Cambridge also a little explanation about their academic running system,
a couple minute break before Mr. Merrick Davies from UCLAN university start talk about Why we should study in UK and what's the benefits after the two sessions of small talk around two hours, the workshop is finished and they start the exhibition. 

Basically the exhibition is about some of the UK universities opened up a stand on the place and each of the participants can come in every stand and asks whatever they want to ask regarding the university or how to apply or even take a look about what study programs that they have, it was pretty fun ! I went to every stand and have short look about their programs. and what interest me the most is their variations of their study programs. 

Honestly it's only because the curiosity who trigger me so much and not because I want to apply to any of the universities. Like University of Gloucestershire who offer me to get a creative writing major when I tell them if i have a dream to be a novelist or an author later or Swansea university who suggest me to get into TEFL major. But then I need to do my IELTS test first and get 6,5 points at least or for my case since I want to be on Creative writing, the requirement that I need to get is suppose to be around 7,5 ..... clearly hard. TOEFL is not really recommended anymore nowadays. 

 (Swansea university stand! , lucky Anjas is accompany me that day I'm not really feel alone :) ) 

 (Sheffield Hallam University stand) 

 (UCLAN University) 

 (Cardiff university stand, which is very crowd with girls, eyy is it because the representative is a handsome guy? ) 

Well, it's really fun experience tho, and I learn few new things that day 

Opinion: not a post, just a honest thought

(I've been so busy these days, and practically don't have any idea to write anything so maybe this is basically what is inside my mind now, which keep bother me recently) 

It’s pretty annoying when suddenly your inspiration popped up inside your head but you are not in the right situation to write what is inside your thoughts, well I have been experience that. Not once or two but almost all the times and it’s really upsetting me that those brilliant ideas went fly away with the wind….

Busy with other things that I should do at that time is my excuse toward this problem, working, study, or I’m on my way going somewhere…writing a little note maybe help but when most of the time I always busy on the way riding my motorcycle or busy helping the kids making their art and craft at workplace, writing notes is not really helping at all.

Moreover, I’m pretty unorganized with my belongings and I keep forgetting where did I put what is mine also adding another point regarding this matter. People around me always said that if you want to reach something that you love the most you need to keep practicing over and over don’t give up on your dream.

I do love a lot of things! Writing, dancing are two things that I love the most yet unfortunately and sadly I really lack of those skills, even though I really like these activities the most and I’m enjoying the most when I finished doing these things, I also feel pretty bad to myself since I need to struggle so much doing things that I love yet I can’t even really improve it.

I feel bad to even myself that I always gave up on what I like, to do another things…..

People are growing up, everyone does. And when you growing up and getting older and much more mature and wiser you will realize how you need to live in reality rather than keep dreaming and living in those dream that perhaps only a vague dream. You start to change your mind about anything about how you should live in this world how getting a stable job so you will have a stable income, relationships that you should care about with everyone because later you might need their help too in other occasions.

I’m in my 20 right now and I’m worried the most about that problem, it can help but soon of course I need to be one like that, or else other people will judge me that I’m not living myself well, unemployed when you graduated from your college it would be a nightmare to everyone isn’t it?

But really, I can’t really decide what I actually I want to be later, what will I become later when I graduated, what kind of job that I want to the most so I will do it happily.

Finding job is easy really easy I guess, you don’t have to get same job as your major in college you can work anywhere you want as long you have determination to learn something and work hard. I do have determination to learn everything and try anything in front of me, yet I can’t found the job that I like the most. I did enjoy my job but sometimes I feel rather sad about the thought that this is not what I really want…..

I really want to live my life to the fullest and try everything in front of me struggles and anything, I don’t want to get stuck in one place only and become dumb, some people might said rather than I’m a kind of people who love to do much things they maybe judge me as people who get bored so easily with one particular thing and changing her mind so much.

I don’t really care what people say thought, even it somehow really hurting my pride….I promises my dad to give me 2 years before I graduates to do things that I like the most, before I really need to get a stable job for myself and I very thankful that my dad say yes to my wish.

So now I think my work will be so much harder right now, because I need to start from the bottom now to everything that I loves.

Every decision that we’ve been choose always have a risks, those risks are the things that almost everyone trying to avoid…

But, what’s the fun in life anyway without problems & struggles isn’t it? 

Opinion: What makes best friends, “best – friends”

(click here for audio vers.) 

If there is a question that asks me about “who is your bestfriend is?”
I do really can’t tell, for me is kind of difficult question to answer,
mostly, because this is a really sensitive topic for me.

Well, having friends or making friendship with everyone is easy and that’s not really a problem for me too, I’m the type who can easily making friends with each other around my age, despite that I’m somehow a timid person and having a difficult time to approach a new people first.

And don’t get me wrong perception about being friends and just acquaintances there’s a really different line between them, and I don’t really need to explain it, do I? basically there are three significant factors to make friends first one is proximity, which means being near enough to see each other or do things together and then, repeatedly encountering the person informally and without making special plans to see each other the last one is opportunities to share ideas and personal feelings with each other – as it quoted from wiki

But for me, to find best friend is rather difficult…

way…..difficult to emphasize it, moreover for people who not really open up about their own self.
Everyone have their own way to describe what best friends is

Yet, for me best friend is the one who will show you their true selves and with you they will share their deep secrets and once you know it you will try to learn and accepting their flaws, vice versa. That’s what I think shape a friend as a best friend.

But, you know… everything need a time, no one will become best friend for instant right, not the superficial ones at least. To accept their flaws, their personality, their habits or even intolerable habits, what they like and what they don’t like.

I’ve always remind myself, that is not about how long you’ve been know each other and how much you spending times with them but it’s about how you not giving up to understand each other, which the whole process on it is the thing you should really proud of, when you able to change someone and change for someone.

For short adjusting for each other

Being best friend doesn’t mean that you need to have the same opinions about everything is about how you try and learn to respect them and vice versa, a best friend won’t judge upon your mistakes, a best friend are always be the one who will genuine to you so don’t expect about they will always say good things about you or they will always agree with you (who does anyway)

they will say truthfully about what they feeling toward you for your own good, they won’t giving you crap sweet talk covered with honey for your liking.

Remember, no friendship is perfect there will always the time when one of you will mess the friendship, but it would only didn’t work if you don’t try to understand each other and gain trust to withstand with the problems no matter what, and each of us won’t become the best for nothing isn’t it.

You’re my best friend and I happy to have you 

 Thankyou, Goodnight <3 

Opinion: Out from your comfort zone

Have you ever feel so suffocated in one place or condition where you always have to be there? 

The feel like you want to letting go the pressuring aura and the stressed feeling around you because you have to be there like every day, take an example like when you are in a clique or a group of friends that you always go hanging out with them almost every time.

Truly you will ended up so attaching with them since you guys getting out and doing lot of things most of the time and do all the fun parts, sharing stories and jokes and everything, isn’t the feeling is amazing? That you have these friends to play with you?

But what will happen, if in other times there’s trouble occurred in this friendship? It might be really okay if it’s happen once or twice isn’t it? (Oh, come on there’s no friendship without flaws isn’t it? I do believe  when the time come there will be misunderstand or miscommunicate happen in a way) and once you and your friends settled it back, everything will be alright and come back to normal or your friendship will way stronger than before. That what’s usually things works in a healthy friendship.

Opinion: Being mature

I just don’t understand why some people can be very blunt and stupid and not even understand the situation.
But called themselves as a mature one, I remember the quotes that says “Maturity doesn’t define by age” it’s really right and does make sense. I do encounter with lots of people who act like this, (is not like I define my own self as the mature one too, but at least yeah I try to be the one instead of keep bragging that I’m a mature person)