Focus and Insecurity, these concerned me

<<A new blog post update>>

I am truly sorry that I couldn’t even afford some of my spare time to filling up this blog with new interesting post to update…well it’s basically because I’m kind of busy and also kind of lazy at the same time. As also you see if you are following me on my instagram account, I did rarely update any pictures these few weeks, didn’t I?

Anyway, right now college stuffs are really overwhelming for me, it’s my last year and definitely I need to prepare and focus on lots of things for my thesis. Reading lots of books, trying to browse  informative stuffs beside instagram and facebook and so on and so on, and despite all the hectic schedule about getting my assignment done, I even do a teaching class and tutoring for debating club on my college and also trying to learn new dance with some few friends. Woohoo~ lots of things need to be done. Everyday it’s always a busy day and I’m always in constant tired. (no wonder my apetite went so undercontrol)

This few weeks also I’ve been mendling over sensitive topic, not about love or education or what this time but about trustworthy …. Hmm, can I put it as trustworthy? Or relationship? Nah it’s way bigger than a trivial relationship matter. 

So if you did scrolling back on my previous post update before in this blog, you can see that I’ve been in constant trauma in getting back into healthy relationship with anyone, Since the very first beginning I always being a kind of person who give it my all to my friends, in returns I always want some kind of affection and being loved and being complimented, yeah I am that kind of person.  A person who need a constant support from other people whom I love

The bad things is, I tend to forget my own happiness~ what I mean by it is like my truly happy soul where I can actually pouring out all my feelings to the people I love and treasured with, stupidly I always end up being overly satisfied with their companion but let them hurting my pride or sometimes they don’t actually care about me, like I care about them. It’s hurt.

I’ve learnt lots of things over my past experiences about it, and I did change from being a cold hearted woman who don’t believe in any trustworthy relationship to someone who willingly being open up again to gain such a healthy relationship.

And the worst one from all of it is, I can’t control myself to put people that I really like and love on the higher status and treasuring them than any other people, I even neglect other people and my own personal business just to help this person or being with them and it’s always happen like that.

These days, I just got realize that I’m being so suck and all clingy to all these people who actually didn’t think that I’m important enough for them as I think about them. They basically throwing some harsh words on me and telling me to not stepping over my line as a friend or people that they know. 

Well, they don’t really blurting it out directly, but it’s just really obvious that they are trying to imply that to me.

Other times also happen when I feel that they are not really here when I need them the most, I don’t know….i feel like, they are trying to make it clear on me that I need to get over quickly over a small trivial things. Why do they suddenly judge me like they’ve known me for couple of days? ….
or perhaps, they don’t really know about me? Or it’s me who don’t really know about them?

Anyway let’s stop with this self-pity party story telling here, I really just need to get over it and don’t really think about it too much. I also realized and I found that myself not even being a good enough person to actually asking for more.

Probably it’s because most of the time I’m being so sassy all the time and they just do that because ‘yeah ~ that’s how you handle over her sassiness’. HAH, Let’s get over with it and start being happy again, I mean being happy is driving people crazy right? hahaha

Goodnight, xoxo 

[Review] VIXX LR - 'Beautiful Liar' and screen-caps

Hello readers !
It's totally been a very long time since the last time I post an update here, well I pretty much got a packed schedule from my college even we are right now basically on holiday. HAHAHA - ok forget about that for a while now.

Honestly, I was actually planning to write another review about summer skin treatment, but when I try to browse something fun to watch on Youtube, I stop by this incredible music video from VIXX!
If you have known me for a long time, you must have known that I am a starlight as well and a big fan of VIXX even since their debut.

I do admit that these days, I didn't pay much attention about recent update about K-Pop news, even my playlist are so outdated probably. So I know nothing about VIXX making a sub group and debuting as duo LR ( Leo and Ravi). Seriously this combination is pretty much a perfect combination between a rapper and a lead vocal not to mention that both of them are known as a composer too in their group.

VIXX always surprise us with unexpected concept of song and music video, even since 'on and on' era. This is also one of the reason why do I stand them very much, They do taking a big concern about the concept of their music video and dance. No wonder they're always known as 'concept-dol'
so their tittle track of VIXX LR is 'Beautiful Liar'

The music video itself in a simple way portray the painful break-up story between a couple,but the things that make this music video triple times more incredible that other music video who portray the same genre about a break-up a story are the whole concept and the artistic sense in it.

the song basically tell us in a point of view of someone who letting go of his lover so his lover can pursue her happiness, but in other way he also not really sure if his decision is actually bringing more good or harm to his lover and himself. He also realize that he doesn't actually want to leave her and he want to keep her for himself only, but he try to get a hold with it, that's why in the reff of this song we can hear that Leo keep saying "I am a beautiful liar' because he need to lie smoothly without involving his inner feeling to leave her.

But in the music video, we will see the inner struggle between Leo and Ravi as Leo's dark side.
Ravi is portrayed as devil inside Leo mind, that's why you will see Ravi when Leo looking in the mirror and side by side

There are also a scene on the beach when Leo is playing a piano and Ravi also sit on other piano beside Leo, if we look at it more deeply in this scene we can see that both of their piano are different I suppose these also portray the character of Leo and Ravi. Leo pouring his heart out while playing the piano and Ravi sits there while glaring to Leo as maybe telling Leo how stupid he was about letting go the girl and doesn't even think about his pain. the fact that they can appear at the same time in one frame means that this scene in beach maybe take a place in other dimension or we can say it's happen in Leo inner mind

Because after that, we can see that the scene keep changing back and forth between Leo and Ravi. in exactly same room but with different vibe. Leo who act so calmly mostly so expresionless despite her girlfriend who was in rage and mad about their break up after she show him the wedding invitation. Still, we can see about how gloomy he is with the whole situation, the scene then change to Ravi in the same room with lots of neon light that create an aura as dreamy-like and vivid. We will see how depressed and furious Ravi is with the whole situation, remember Ravi is Leo's inner thought.

we will also see the scene when Leo and his girlfriend facing each other and the girl suddenly giving a key and padlock to Leo, as I pause this scene I realize that the key and the padlock is belong to Leo, or we can say is not simply a normal key but a key and padlock to Leo heart and this girl return it to him, when Leo are about to take the key and padlock suddenly Ravi grab the key and taking a glance to the girl, surprisingly the girl also look back at Ravi. So I was thinking if probably Ravi is visible now. Ravi is also taking glance to Leo and Leo also look at him, quite shocked. The girl then leave nonchalantly not even questioning about Ravi appearance, so I'm thinking that it probably not Ravi who suddenly become visible to the girl but Ravi is actually the metaphor of Leo's rage that about to explode. 

Ravi then become so furious when the girl just walk away like that, and Leo suddenly grab him from behind and trying hard to strangle him and prevent him from going to the girl again. Oh well, here we can simply say that Leo is struggling hard right now to actually not running back to the girl again, and relieve his own greed for her, he need lie until the end. 

ugh, I almost choked into tears in this scene, cause I'm too immersed with it, as you also can see when they're strangling each other the blurry painting of themselves are in the background. showing how wrecked up they are right now, mentally. 

as the scenes are almost approaching the end of the music video and it change again to Ravi try to strangle him from behind, which portray that sadness and regret are eating him alive. There is also a scene when they hugging each other with Ravi is half naked before Ravi then walk away from him, it represent that Leo is finally is not feeling mad or angry anymore about what happen. But, still then he is being left by himself all alone and sad, not able to show his true feeling. 

[Review] Goela Bakery - Hayam Wuruk, Denpasar

Hello guys, finally I'm writing again. Wohoo! I'm so excited /laughs/ well, the content probably not as good as you guys expected to, it's been a long time since the last time I posted an update here, and I definitely lost a little bit feel to how writing a good review (well, I never really good on it at the first place though)

OK! so back to the main topic, I got a really busy schedules for these few months including the facts that it's almost the last year of my college study, but then even that I'm very busy myself the needs to get some pleasure and enjoyment during weekend obviously huge. 

so, meeting up with friends and have a little teatime and chitchat during weekend it's a must - to - do list, nonetheless this beautiful Sunday night. Me and Fira decided to give a try for Goela Cafe Bakery on Hayam Wuruk street Denpasar after we done with our group study today. 

We've been passing this Bakery for few times, but never really give it a try and finally tadaaaaa we did it today, it's too bad that I don't really snap many pictures here, meh - but seriously this place is a cozy, well compared with some of small cafe bakery near this place as well, and it's not crowded. I mean there's not many people coming here and it just double up the coziness of this place (literally it's only two of us here, but i swear it's probably because we coming here on late evening and plus it's raining) like, seriously who want to get off from their bed and leaving their nice and comfy blanket cocoon in a day like this. 

We've already finished our dinner before coming here so we decided to just get a coffee latte (for Fira) , a pot of hot lemon tea and Crème brûlée for me, omg i'm totally excited by the prospect of Crème brûlée, i mean I'm really craving for this dessert for so long. 

The service is good, the waiter is really quick and fast response which is really good, and he's kind of cute as well /cough/, the toilet is small and clean but smell so dull (they should at least put some air purifier on it) we need to wait for 10 minutes before our order arrived and we've spent those time with selfie - time (lol, as expected from a selfie whore like me)

The other thing that we really love from this place is the decoration, clean - cut and beautiful, retro vibe, well we've seen this kind of atmosphere in any other cafe bakery before, but surely this one is our type. hehe

So, how's the foods and drinks?
We didn't really order much things today, so judging them by the amount of our orders is a bit unfair, hm - but I really have things to say about our orders, luckily Fira love her coffee latte which mean the coffee must be taste good for real (I totally put my faith on her, when it comes to coffee taste - cz I seriously have no idea how a good coffee supposed to taste hehe) , the hot lemon tea taste like any other lemon tea, i think they really use a tea + lemon, real lemon. not the artificial lemon tea flavor. I don't even need to put sugar on it ( because i'm sweet already, gah - keedz) 

They even give us a cheese muffin as complimentary, aw what a kind service. but the taste is so far from what we expected, have a look on a pity looking creme brulee ah :( what happen with this precious creme brulee, it look so pale, and unappetizing it's not even warm at all. I mean seriously don't you have to torch the sugar coat? it's cold and bland ...... oh my - 

We do tried to have a taste on it, and as you can see how not good it is from my face, it's dry and have no life, they seriously need to make it fresher than this, and the muffin?
it's almost 11:12 with the creme brulee, and correction it's not even cheese muffin it's a margarine muffin with dried bland cheddar sprinkles on it.

nonetheless, we really love the place. Surely will come here again next time :) 

Explanation about why some of us see the color of the dress differently.

I'm sure almost everyone getting the hype of "what color is the dress" all over the internet and social media for the recent weeks, and truthfully I don't really know about all this uproar and freaking endless argues between #teamblueblack and #teamwhitegold (which is freaking foolish and pointless lol). I'm sure anyone already get the explanation, but well let me write this again KKKKK~~ 

Anyway, honestly I'm really tired with all this stupid commotion and don't really give a fuck about it, but I got so fed up with some people comments, that told me that I'm probably a blind color. and so stupid, that I need to squint my eyes more to see the dress, and they want me to fucking say the color as what they saw

So, I'm very glad that finally BuzzFeed release a video about the color of the dress according to the scientific reason. Like finally we have a logical reasons why some of us can see the color differently from other people. 

It's an optical illusion, the excessive warm light that hit the dress from the background, and the interpretation of each of our brains, if you see the original picture of that dress that regulating on internet you will see a very thin line on the center of the dress that dividing the half of the dress that got the excessive amount of light and the other part which is not or slightly darker side. Then it start, when you take a first glance an you mainly see the the right part of the dress you will see it slightly darker and your brain will interpret the dress as blue and black overall, and when you mainly take a first glance on the left side of the dress which slightly brighter and your brain will interpret the whole color of the dress as white and gold. 

Remember what you see is not always right, and what you thinking is not always right, your mind not always giving you the exact right information about what your eyes see.
so that's why each of us having a different opinions about the dress. 

So, why some of us see the right part of the dress first and others see the left part of the dress first?It's about which part of our brain that we usually use on our daily activities, as you knew that there are many research about different part of the brain is controlling different motor of ourselves, Have you ever heard people say that they tend to be more of a right-brain or left-brain thinker? 

According to the theory of left-brain or right-brain dominance, each side of the brain controls different types of thinking. Additionally, people are said to prefer one type of thinking over the other. For example, a person who is "left-brained" is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective, while a person who is "right-brained" is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, and subjective (Roger W. Sperry, 1981) 

And let me add another theory that your right-brain control your left side of the body while your left-brain control your right of the body. So when you look at the dress for the first time and highly sure that the dress is white and gold at the first glance means that your left-brain is mainly dominate. and vice versa when you see the dress as blue and black that means your right-brain is more dominate

But, how if you can see the dress in different colors? 
So, some people also reported that they can see the dress in two different colors on different time (that the colors can change, when you look at the different angles or it suddenly can change) of course it obviously can happen, that's mean both sides of your brain are conflicted about what should they interpret the color of the dress. both sides of our brain are work together right? 

so, none of us are wrong if you see the dress as blue and black or white and gold.It's about how we interpret the color , there is nothing wrong with your eyes.
please give me your opinion as well :) (anyway I see the dress as blue and black) 

For other logical explanation about this dress color check this link, an article by wired
The Science of Why No One Agrees on the Color of This Dress



Goodnight xoxo 

[Review] Kakiang Bakery & Café Ubud – Bali

 So yesterday is the mark of my long break after final exam, so I decided to go to Ubud for refreshing with my bestie. Luckily, I’ve been there too before about three weeks ago for cycling tour with my high school mates which unfortunately I can’t made a post out of my first trip to Ubud since I didn’t take good pics there, blame the excitement that time. 

So yeah, first trip to Ubud leaving me a deep impression about Ubud and it’s just make me want to come back again to this place. Honestly speaking if I can compare this place, the busy streets of Ubud is not that different like in Legian Kuta or Sanur, but there’s some things that make this place feel different. The cozy feeling, and definitely this place is perfectly pure bliss for a food lover like me

We went to two places only. The famous Kakiang Bakery & Café and Blanco Museum, we went there from early morning since I was half hoping that we can enjoy brunch there, around 6.30 from Nusadua and I need to pick Ari up from her house in Denpasar before we go straight on to Ubud which take like probably 45 minutes, luckily there is almost none traffic jam at the time since it was Saturday, no one want to wake up so early on weekend right?

So we arrived on Kakiang Bakery & Café this place is not big but not small too, tripadvisor(dot)com refer this place as the best Japanese bakery in Ubud, I never really go to the actual and authentic Japanese bakery, so I don’t know how it supposed to be like, but one thing that I can say about this place is very clean and nice, although it’s not big but they really arranged the decoration well, they also has second floor seats and terrace seats on second floor. Another fortunate things is we came there pretty early around 9am perfect timing for a brunch right?

 I enjoy secluded place, so I decided to take Ari to just sit on second floor. Anyway, talk about the services and staffs amenities, I must say that they’ve done kid of pretty well job, I guess… 

not really talk much with the customers and not smiling much and I’m gladly okay with it since I particularly not really good in small talk, but I believe not everyone is like me, I mean some guests maybe enjoy and love being pampered by having the waiter asking about the day or anything else, or at least asking about the food.

Talk about food, they do sell lots of yummy cakes. I LOVE CAKES so this place feels like heaven to me, especially that they don’t sell it in expensive price! The price is freaking reasonable here.
I didn’t get any breakfast home before this so I decided to just order a bowl of fruits salad and strawberry parfait, unfortunately they ran out of fresh cream for the parfait so they couldn’t make one (seriously, why don’t you make one then… geez)

“Do you want to change your order miss?” the waiter ask me

“Nope, I will think about it later” I said (I WANT MY STAWBERRY PARFAIT, NOT OTHER ORDER PMSL. HAHAHA)

Anyway, I couldn’t stand any longer thinking about beautiful creatures (?) , I mean things ehm…cakes on the first floor, so I get down there with Ari and start choosing our favorites!
I was in love with strawberry and cream cake, but none slice of the cake is left on tray with those tittle (Oh my~ another disappointment).

So, another option from my favorite list that available is only cream puff, so yeah I will just take that one to make up my disappointment, oh and custard pudding as well, they got it in very tiny cute cup, I might can finish in only 3 big spoons. Ari got what she love anyway, she choose a very yummy mount blanc cake (don’t worry we’ve snapped some cute pictures of the yummy cakes)

So I got my – long awaited – fruit salad, which surprisingly come out with banana slices. Believe or not, I don’t think these days is a proper time to harvest banana. So getting banana on my fruit salad bowl is a luck.

Ari got her – I don’t remember what’s the name of this – sandwich, I was sincerely worried that Ari won’t eat the sandwich since it come out with scrambled egg on it (she never really like the yellow part of the egg) so we seal a deal that I will eat the half of her and she can eat the half of mine for the sake of our food (the egg).But, unfortunately we were too eager to eat the cakes quickly, so we just abandon the egg part and half of the fruit salad to dig on our yummy cakes.

The mount blanc is definitely a yes, the chocolate sponge cake with a little hint of rum taste and soft fresh cream with light sweet flavor. The very crunchy pie crust with fresh cream and fruit, pampering our tongues is always amazing things to do. HAHAHA.

I really want to come again to this place, maybe next time for lunch. I will definitely try their seafood chowder and strawberry shortcake. But 2 hours ride from Nusadua to Ubud….
maybe I should re-consider the idea.

I even brought meringue and ginger marmalade jam for my sister.

Good Night